Grief came to visit today. As I was planning my garden, planning my trip, cleaning my house, grief came.

I miss Nick. I miss my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I miss his honesty, his support, his demands on my time. Would he approve of the choices I am making?

Am I just pursuing activities to keep this grief at a distance? Like an oozing wound, this grief begs to be re-covered. Plan for a trip, write a book, take some classes, work in the garden. Keep my hands and my mind busy. But like the weeds that work their way to the edges of the garden and burst from the edges of the cardboard, grief is forcing its way into the light.

Is grief, like fear, a sign of lagging faith?

Not faith that Nick is in a better place; I feel quite confident that he is complete now in a way he could never be on earth. But faith that I can move forward emotionally without him. Faith that God is directing my steps.

I look back on the past four and a half years and know that God has moved me to an unknown land, parted the seas, taught me new skills, changed me. Dare I say improved me? There was a time I thought I had lost my enthusiasm forever, but God has given me new opportunities, new hopes, new dreams. But with those come doubts, and with the doubts, grief. I miss my old life. I miss Nick. I was comfortable revolving my life around his. I liked our life together. Our times at the beach, our times on the lake, our times in the garden.

Whew! I need to shake this off. Clean the wound, reapply the bandage. I had wanted to write about ordering a raspberry bush with no knowledge if they would grow here. I had wanted to write about the beauty of being able to try again with the fig plant since I killed the one last year. I had wanted to write about the importance of research and learning and leaning on the knowledge of others.

Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good path lies; and walk in it and find rest for your souls. Jeremiah 6:16.

Perhaps God in His wisdom is telling me that I can apply this to my grief as well as to my raspberry bush.

I remember the books our congregational care committee sent after Nick’s death. I remember the grief counseling our Associate Pastor led. I remember the tears the group of us shed as we tried to come to terms with our new reality. God has held my hand and moved me from that place to this. But once more I feel I am standing at a crossroads looking for the good path. I want to walk in it and find rest for my grieving soul.

There are ancient paths the Lord can show me. Grief is nothing new. Moving on with life after the loss of someone dear is nothing new. Grieving for the loss when it may appear that you have already moved on is nothing new. What is new is the footprints my feet may leave on the path. What is new is who God is transforming me to be.

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16.

Grief came to visit today. It showed me a crossroads. It showed me a cross.

There is an ancient path, a good way. Grief cracked open my heart and showed it to me.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.” John 14:6.

Betsy

I confess. I spent a solid hour the other day immersing myself in the new seed catalogue. Oh, the possibilities! So many options! So many colors! So many different things that I could plant! They all look so beautiful, and I haven’t even looked at the flowers yet!

And Jesus said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15.

Because let’s be real here. I do not have the space, time, physical strength, or patience to grow all these plants. Some of them might not grow here even if I did have all those things. Professionals grew the fruit in these pictures, many different professionals from across the country. 140 pages of fruits and vegetables and flowers, thousands of varieties. I will grow less than ten.

I am not a professional gardener; I am not even a very good gardener. To be good at something, truly good at it, takes time and effort and determination and commitment. I am not willing to give that to my garden.

Is this a lack of ambition on my part? A lack of seriousness? An aversion to hard work?

A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you as a robber, and want like an armed warrior. Proverbs 6:10-11.

I like to think instead that I am dedicating my time, effort, and determination to other things, things I value more highly than giant bell peppers or cucumber varieties.

I like to think that I am not over-committing myself to plants and a garden that will demand my time. I hope I am leaving ample space for God to lead me to new places, new activities, other responsibilities.

As much as I love my garden, love being outside, love digging in the dirt, love harvesting fresh veggies, the garden is not my life, not my ‘small g’ god. God is my God. If He were to call me away from the garden to other work, I like to think I would go without a backward glance.

To keep myself open to the possibilities of what God may call me to do, I need to turn away from some of the possibilities presented to me by this catalogue.

Over-commitment is something I have struggled with my entire life. I am not the only one. Keeping my hand down and my mouth shut often seems an impossible task. There is so much that needs doing, so much I could be doing. How do I balance doing too much with not doing enough?

It sounds simplistic, but the first thing I must determine is who I am letting judge what is too much and what is not enough. Am I comparing myself to a catalogue of professional photos? Am I letting social media dictate how I should be spending my time? Am I trying to impress my friends?

Am I now seeking human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10.

If I want to be a servant of Christ, and I do, then He is whose approval I need to seek. I want to focus on the activities He has given me to do. I need to sit at His feet and listen for what He wants me to do, then do it.

Just because the possibility exists for me to have a garden closer to the ones pictured in the catalogue doesn’t mean I should pursue it. Spending an hour looking at the pictures is like eye-candy, garden-porn, plant-lust. I confess. I am grateful God calls me to turn my eyes away and return to Him.

Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2.

Betsy

A peaceful quiet had descended on my home. The crowds and chaos and cooking and cleaning that mark the holidays are over. The decorations still adorn my home, but they are waiting to return to the attic.

Even my garden is quiet and at rest. Despite the onions growing in my yard and the scapes escaping from my garlic, the cardboard is keeping my garden at rest. Like black-out blinds.

Sleep is necessary, rest is necessary, down-time is necessary. Even when the world gives me excessive stimulation. Even when the temperatures reach the 60s in the winter. Even when I sense I should be “doing something” in the quiet times.

I am doing something, just like my garden is doing something. I am resting. I am processing what has come before and thinking about what is to come. I am slowing my heart rate and lowering my blood pressure. I am resting my muscles and allowing myself to heal.

He (Jesus) said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. Mark 6:21.

Winter is a time when the garden replenishes itself. Potassium and phosphorus from deep in the ground rise to replace the nutrients used by the summer plants. Beneficial micro-organisms have time to develop away from the demands of growing plants. The fallow ground regains its nutritional balance after a summer of feeding growing plants. Winter rest is like Gatorade for the garden, restoring its essential minerals.

Winter rest for the garden is the model for Sabbath rest for us.

Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day you shall have a holy sabbath of solemn rest to the Lord. Exodus 35:2.

The garden needs to rest before I can ask more of it in the spring and summer. I need to rest before God asks more of me. This time of rest increases the likelihood that the garden, and I, will bear good fruit in season.

January is a wonderful time to ‘catch up’ on our rest. Let our batteries re-charge. Let those little whispers from God rise to the surface and replenish our lives. Let us regain our spiritual balance. Let us adjust to the presence of the living Lord in human form as Jesus and ever-present as the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes, we need to force this rest upon ourselves. We may need to put down cardboard to suppress outside distractions. We may need to close the blackout blinds. We are not energizer bunnies; sometimes we need to turn ourselves off. Sometimes we are like the screaming toddler who refuses nap time, when nap time is exactly what we need.

It’s a new year. Our calendars still have space on them. There is much that could happen, may happen, will happen. There are surprises, good and bad, ahead. I encourage you, as I encourage myself, to take this time to rest. God has got this. Put yourself in His hands, read His Word, listen to His voice, follow His guidance. God will put you where He wants you; God will put me where He wants me. For now, let me rest so I am ready.

Return, O my soul, to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. Psalm 116:7.

Happy New Year!

Betsy

Be patient, therefore, beloved, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious crop from the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You also must be patient. James 5:7-8.

This verse has been rumbling around in my brain throughout Advent. I am not sure what exactly I am being impatient for or about, but I think the Lord wants me to cool it.

Perhaps it is just a reminder during this time of year to not get caught up in my plans.

Because this is precisely the time of year when I like to look back over the past year and begin planning for the new one.

What went well; what didn’t. What did God teach me? What did I have to learn the hard way? When did I insist on my own way; how did that work out? Where can I see God at work over the past year?

A year in review, if you will, without the sordid headlines.

The problem with a year in review is that it begs the question, what am I going to do differently this year? Sometimes the answer is “nothing.” But if I want to grow something new in my garden, I have to find the space and the time to grow it. If I want to nourish a new area of growth in my life, I need to commit resources to it. But then I hear that verse again.

The farmer waits for the precious crop from the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You also must be patient. James 5:7-8.

Shouldn’t I be doing something while I am waiting patiently? Well yes, if having a garden has taught me anything, it is that there is always work to be done. Perhaps the point is that I don’t need to be worrying about when or if the crops will bear fruit.

If my garlic fails, because I have now cut garlic scapes three times while it is still winter, then they fail, and I have had delicious garlic scapes to use all winter.

If you all stop reading these posts because, honestly, how many times do you want to read about the wonder of a seed and the beauty of fruit, then so be it.

If my idea of how long it should take to write a book is years different from how long it actually takes, then I will be patient.

If I have to make a new year’s resolution, something I avoid, it is to continue to plant seeds in faith that God will bring forth fruit when the time is right. To be content if I should sow and another reap. To not worry about the seed that falls on rocky or weedy ground.

Because who knows what tomorrow will bring? Only God.

So, Lord, let me plant good seeds in the new year. Bring them to fruition in Your time. Help me be patient and wait for the early and late rains. Thank you for the opportunities You give me. Thank you for seeds to plant.

Happy New Year, dear friends!

Betsy

I have finally finished preparing my home for Christmas. Everything is ready for what’s next. Now I must wait.

Sometimes it’s tempting to add more things to the list, keep the adrenaline pumping. Nature abhors a vacuum, and the Protestant work ethic abhors an empty list. And, of course, there is always more I could do, but I am choosing not to.

Today, I think I will get a cup of hot chocolate, turn on some Amy Grant music, maybe even get a fire going in the fireplace.

Is this just age? The after-effects of an autumn of illness throughout my family; A month of surgeries and falls and heartbreaks among my friends? It’s almost as if God has been reminding me how to be still, be quiet, be at home; lessons I learned during Covid then promptly forgot.

And while waiting is difficult, I find it somehow comforting to be ready and waiting. I am not anxious. I can see God’s hand in preparing me for all that has come before; I can sense God’s hand preparing me for what is to come. More and more, I am convinced that my only real task is to share God’s love with those around me, and everything else is secondary. Whether my plans succeed or fail, whether I succeed or fail, only matters to the extent that I show love through my actions.

If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. I Corinthians 13:2.

And if I am busy showing love as best I can to those around me, then I can be confident that when the master returns, whenever that may be, he will find me at my task. (Mark 13:32-37) Not that I have it all figured out or am always the easiest person to be around, but I do know what God wants from me, and there is peace in that.

He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8.

And because we mortals are so very bad at following even these simple directions, Jesus came to live among us as a fellow mortal, to show us how to do it. Even better than a You Tube video. And He stands for us in heaven, forgiving our failures, sending His Spirit to guide and strengthen us, allowing us entry. What a friend we have in Jesus!

So, instead of rushing around completing a million little tasks that that might impress my friends and family, I am choosing to wait on the Lord. Read His Word. Love His children. Commune with His Spirit. Listen for His guidance.

And in the stillness, in the quiet, I not only sense peace, I also sense joy and love. His presence.

For He has come; He comes still; He will come again. May He find us all ready and waiting when He does.

Happy Advent and Merry Christmas!

Betsy

I have had trouble this year getting in ‘the Christmas spirit.’ By that I mean decorating my house, laughing at parties with a drink in my hand, dressing up in red and green with special jewelry and sparkly additions. My home has yet to be covered in wrapping paper and ribbons and tape and gift tags. I am still using my everyday plates.

When did Christmas become a time of such forced jovialness? Not to worry, there are services and programs for those of us who aren’t feeling so jolly. As if being serious were a mental health condition that needed addressing.

Is all this exuberance and decorating really ‘the Christmas spirit?’ Maybe, as Dr. Suess tells us, Christmas doesn’t come from a store.

“It came without ribbons, it came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.” — The Grinch

Maybe this Christmas will be more like “Silent Night” and less like “Jingle Bells.”

It’s not sadness, or grief, or seasonal affectation disorder, or “blue Christmas.” Perhaps I am finally grasping what advent is, the coming of a savior into a dark and troubled world, to a people who need saving, from themselves if no one else.

And the world stayed dark and troubled, even when the light shone in it. All the lights on the houses and the glitter on the trees cannot expel the darkness in our souls. Only Jesus Christ can do that. Only God can do that.

What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. John 1:4-5.

I may not use my Christmas dishes until Christmas Day, until people come over. I am wondering why I have Christmas dishes. I don’t have Easter dishes, although I do have Easter decorations… Are all these accoutrements really necessary? Do I have them to help me ‘get in the spirit?’ Perhaps to impress my neighbors and friends? To not be seen as the grinch?

My neighbor has a larger-than-life inflatable Will Ferrell dressed as an elf in their front yard. My next-door neighbor’s house lights make it difficult to sleep. I hope I never hear “Santa, baby” again. I am beginning to sound a bit grinchy!!

And that is not the Christmas spirit or the advent spirit.

What a gift God has given us! Access to Him through Jesus. What a gift God has given us! A renewed mind, a fresh outlook, a revitalized life. What a gift God has given us! Peace and joy and love for one another. What a gift God has given us! Light to dispel the darkness within us, to shine on those around us. What a gift!

I want to tell you about His gift to me. I want to share it with you. I want you to know you can get this gift as well. Free Gift – Click here to enter!

Perhaps I will invite you to my home and serve you dinner on special plates. Perhaps I will put lights on a tree and on my house and let them light up the night sky. Perhaps I will find silly ways to make the children around me laugh and make us stodgy adults laugh as well.

Perhaps I will give a little gift to everyone I encounter to remind us of the marvelous extravagant gift God has given us.

Perhaps God has put a little Christmas spirit in me after all!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holy days!

Betsy

The planting instructions warned that the garlic bulbs might send up sprouts, in the Spring. Imagine my surprise to see them now! Someone who lived farther north must have written the instructions; in Tennessee, we have warm sunny spells throughout the winter.

Fortunately, I had wandered out to the garden in the days after Thanksgiving, something I do every few weeks during the winter. And look! Garlic scapes!

The instructions are quite clear: cut them off. Until next summer, all the nutrients need to stay in the bulb, not transfer above ground.

So, I cut all the scapes off the garlic bulbs.

I felt a little cruel, snipping off these efforts to reach for the sun, rudely ending the plants’ attempts to grow.

But it is not their time. As a gardener trying to grow garlic bulbs, it is my responsibility to nip this instinctive urge to grow in the bud. They may feel that they are doing what they are meant to do, and doing it well, which they are. But the timing is not right.

I know that there are winter months ahead. I know that the bulbs need to store their nutrients. I know that these bulbs need more time in the quiet earth before they can reach their full potential.

I wonder if the bulbs consider me a cruel and vengeful gardener who is denying them success or if they can trust that I have a better plan for them?

Can I trust that God has a better plan for me?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9.

The advent season is all about waiting until God says the time is right.

The Jewish people had to wait 500 years for God to fulfill His vision to Isaiah of the Messiah’s birth. We are still waiting for the peaceable kingdom and the new heaven and new earth.

It makes me think of the wrapped presents under the tree. They are there. They are for us. One day, the gift inside will be ours. But not today. It’s not the right time yet.

Sometimes I have gotten all excited about doing something, and having done it, wanted to share it with the world, who had little or no interest in it. I’d like to think I was sending up garlic scapes: good things, wrong time.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time. Galatians 5:6.

Because whatever I am doing, if I am doing it for the Lord, it is His to use as He see fit.

And that well may mean I never know its impact. What I do, what you do, may be an acorn planted whose tree we never see. We may never know the weary traveler who rests under its branches. But God knows that traveler is coming, so He encourages us to plant that acorn. It is our mission to hear His voice and do our part; plant the acorn.

Sometimes, our role seems too simple.

Father, if the prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done it? How much more, when all he said to you was “Wash and be clean.” 2 Kings 5:13.

For now, my garlic’s job is to keep all its nutrients underground. It is my job to help it do so by cutting off its desire to show itself before its time. So, I cut off all the garlic scapes.

And God has rewarded me for making the garlic wait for the right time. I have delicious garlic scapes to add to my leftover turkey and dressing, and more to add to every dish I cook. They are a wonderful addition to eggs, pasta, burgers, and potatoes.

What probably looks like dashed hopes and failure to the garlic bulb, God is using to bless my life today and ensure a larger role for the garlic bulb in the future.

Betsy

I’ve been reading Genesis recently, the birth story of the chosen people, as I prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Because the issue has been on my mind, I am amazed by the amount of migration and immigration that occurs in Genesis, and, of course, in Exodus.

Abram went into a new country, changed his name, had trouble settling there, and lived for a while in other countries. Jacob, his life threatened, immigrated to another country, where he lived, worked, and married. All but one of his children were born abroad, before they moved back to their homeland, again at great personal risk. Joseph reached adulthood and achieved success as a foreigner, forced by violence to immigrate to a land he didn’t choose. Later, due to economic hardships, his entire family would join him as immigrants in a foreign land.

Four hundred years later, they would immigrate back to Abrahams’ adopted home of Canaan, unwelcomed by the people residing there.

When an alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien. The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 19:33-34.

I wonder how their immigration stories compare to the ones we see today, as families flee worn-torn areas of the world, and survivors of natural disasters seek refuge in neighboring countries. Many immigrants to America are facing economic hardships and violent environments.

Joseph’s family immigrated to Egypt due to economic hardships in their home country; did the Egyptians welcome them? Royal decree let them in and gave them land, but even after 400 years, his descendants were not considered Egyptians. Was this because they held onto their heritage, or refused to assimilate? Or did the Egyptians keep them at arm’s length, they being foreigners and shepherds and all?

Only to say that immigration is not something new. Leaving one’s home is never easy, but often political instability, violent circumstances, persecution, and economic deprivation make immigration the only solution. And as difficult as it is for the country receiving the immigrants, it is far harder, I think, for the immigrants themselves.

Many of us have never felt our lives and the lives of our family were in immediate danger. I know I have not, and I hope I never do. But if I did, and I could leave the situation to protect my family, I hope I would. I hope I would be strong enough to face the dangers of travel and the possibility that I would not be welcome where I went.

Mary and Joseph did; they immigrated to Egypt when Jesus was a baby to avoid infanticide ordered by the ruler of their country. Only when there was a regime change were they able to return.

And perhaps Jesus was the ultimate immigrant. He left his homeland, heaven, to live with us on earth. He faced real dangers, much misunderstanding, callous assumptions about his personhood, and a fear that his presence would radically change the status quo. Basically, the same things many immigrants face today.

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. Philippians 2:5-7.

Because the history of our faith is one of immigration. Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, the diaspora, and Jesus.

They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Hebrews 11:13,16.

We too are foreigners here, resident aliens.

I don’t know what the “ideal” immigration policy is; I don’t know that there is much I could do about it if I did have a solution. I do know that God calls me to love my neighbors and the aliens residing in the land. So, that is what I will do. I will smile and welcome the foreigner I see, aid the immigrant in need, and be kind.

Betsy