The Way of Grief

Winter 3 Minutes

Grief came to visit today. As I was planning my garden, planning my trip, cleaning my house, grief came.

I miss Nick. I miss my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I miss his honesty, his support, his demands on my time. Would he approve of the choices I am making?

Am I just pursuing activities to keep this grief at a distance? Like an oozing wound, this grief begs to be re-covered. Plan for a trip, write a book, take some classes, work in the garden. Keep my hands and my mind busy. But like the weeds that work their way to the edges of the garden and burst from the edges of the cardboard, grief is forcing its way into the light.

Is grief, like fear, a sign of lagging faith?

Not faith that Nick is in a better place; I feel quite confident that he is complete now in a way he could never be on earth. But faith that I can move forward emotionally without him. Faith that God is directing my steps.

I look back on the past four and a half years and know that God has moved me to an unknown land, parted the seas, taught me new skills, changed me. Dare I say improved me? There was a time I thought I had lost my enthusiasm forever, but God has given me new opportunities, new hopes, new dreams. But with those come doubts, and with the doubts, grief. I miss my old life. I miss Nick. I was comfortable revolving my life around his. I liked our life together. Our times at the beach, our times on the lake, our times in the garden.

Whew! I need to shake this off. Clean the wound, reapply the bandage. I had wanted to write about ordering a raspberry bush with no knowledge if they would grow here. I had wanted to write about the beauty of being able to try again with the fig plant since I killed the one last year. I had wanted to write about the importance of research and learning and leaning on the knowledge of others.

Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good path lies; and walk in it and find rest for your souls. Jeremiah 6:16.

Perhaps God in His wisdom is telling me that I can apply this to my grief as well as to my raspberry bush.

I remember the books our congregational care committee sent after Nick’s death. I remember the grief counseling our Associate Pastor led. I remember the tears the group of us shed as we tried to come to terms with our new reality. God has held my hand and moved me from that place to this. But once more I feel I am standing at a crossroads looking for the good path. I want to walk in it and find rest for my grieving soul.

There are ancient paths the Lord can show me. Grief is nothing new. Moving on with life after the loss of someone dear is nothing new. Grieving for the loss when it may appear that you have already moved on is nothing new. What is new is the footprints my feet may leave on the path. What is new is who God is transforming me to be.

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16.

Grief came to visit today. It showed me a crossroads. It showed me a cross.

There is an ancient path, a good way. Grief cracked open my heart and showed it to me.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.” John 14:6.

Betsy

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24 thoughts on “The Way of Grief”

      1. I wish I could fix this for you as we teachers are great fixers, but I can’t, so all I can offer is prayers.May God Bless your thoughts today and bring you joy.

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  3. So beautifully expressed. I know Nick would (does) heartily embrace the opportunities you have undertaken. And, God does open new doors and spiritual growth through our trials and losses. Rest in His love for you; He is Everything. Easy to say, yes; though real.
    And, yes, raspberries will grow in your area, and can sometimes spread their roots as invasively as mint! Sort of like you are growing and spreading the gospel of Christ.

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  4. Holding you close in thoughts and prayers, Betsy. Though I didn’t really know Nick as a friend, I do know the joy and happiness he brought to your life. I’m feeling sad for you that “grief” has invaded your thoughts of late. Our winter storm has caused us to stop and slow down, to be lonely in our isolation, to allow memories of those missing to fill our being. It can be good to reflect, to relive the memories, to reconnect with our missing loved ones—as painful as it may be at the moment. Sending hugs, friend.

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  5. Betsy,
    You are always in my prayers. I have forwarded this to my brother who lost his wife a year ago. I can’t tell you how many times what you have written has been so appropriate for what has been going on in my life at that particular time. Your faith is great to see and you are an inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing. I pray that the sharing is also healing for you.

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  8. Betsy, this is beautiful. I am sending this to my brother-in-law who is really struggling with the recent loss of my sister. You are always in my prayers, and we all so appreciate your beautiful thoughts and writings. I hope they also bring you comfort and healing.

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  9. Beautifully written Betsy. May your transparency and honesty be an encouragement to others experiencing grief in their own lives. I am sending love and a prayer your way. ♥️🙏🏻

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