Flawed

A letter arrived the other day, from one of you. It moved me profoundly. God is using these words that tumble from my brain and that is very exciting.

I went to a writer’s conference full of confidence from the letter, only to lose my credit card in the hustle and bustle. I cancelled the card, and ordered a new one, making a list of companies who would need the new information. Then I found the card. I had looked for it; I had looked for it where I found it, but in my panic, I hadn’t seen it. Then suddenly, there it was. Now I have made unnecessary work for myself. There’s a lesson here, but it is hard to learn.

Stop, Betsy. Stop trying to do everything yourself. Stop pushing so hard. Slow down, ease up, fail a little.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness,” so I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

But I confess – I don’t like weakness. I still want to send out the perfect family Christmas card. I haven’t been able to send one out since Nick died. I show the cute pictures of the grandkids. I don’t even take pictures of them when they are screaming. I brag about my kids, my trips, and my friends.

Sometimes I even brag about what God is doing in my life as if I had something to do with it.

But the truth is, my friends. I am a mess. I lose my credit card in my suitcase. I forget to look at my calendar and miss things. Dishes pile up in the sink, old mail covers my table, and light bulbs go unreplaced. I am too physically soft to garden by myself. I am slow to forgive, especially if it’s not me you have hurt. I insert myself into situations that are not my responsibility. I talk too much. Sometimes I covet worldly wealth and acclaim. And, spoiler alert if you don’t know me, I overeat.

I can pretend that none of these things are true, but it wouldn’t make them less true. I share them because I bet there are some imperfections in you as well. What if we could see these imperfections as places where the Holy Spirit could work through us? What if I could stop pretending that I am a put-together person?

What if God is using me, not because I am so wonderful, but because I am such a mess?

Perhaps my weaknesses help me remember my need for others. I can’t do this, whatever this may be, by myself. I am physically soft, slow to forgive, and careless with belongings; I need others to help me achieve whatever God has put on my heart to do.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:12.

I don’t have to be perfect, and I don’t have to pretend that I am perfect. I don’t even have to pretend that I have perfected letting others help me. In fact, I may be here to help someone else, not have them help me. One body, working together. The body of Christ in the world. All of us flawed, all of us imperfect, all of us welcomed in grace.

For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly… But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:6,8.

It’s okay if you are a mess; we all are. And God loves us anyway.

Love in Christ, Betsy