Seagulls

They stood like sentinels facing into the wind, aware of me but far enough away to maintain their ground.

I watched as one seagull plummeted repeatedly into the shallow waters offshore. Perhaps they were watching him as well.

At last, he lifted from the water with a small fish sideways in his beak. Squawking loudly through his clinched bill, he circled around to the birds on shore and landed among them. Most of the gulls hopped over to inspect his prize, or being seagulls, to steal it. I have watched them try to pry fish from a pelican’s beak.

The victorious gull rose into the air and circled out into the ocean again, screeching and squawking. He made a wide circle over the waters and returned to the herd of gulls on the shore. I wondered why he didn’t land somewhere away from the others to enjoy his meal.

Five birds hopped over to him again as he continued his loud boasting. Again, he lifted off and flew a wide circle over the waters and returned to the crowd. Only two birds responded to his constant screech as he landed, the small fish still gripped firmly in his beak. Perhaps he was more interested in showing off his success than eating his meal.

Been there; done that.

When he circled again with his uneaten fish, the other gulls ignored him when he landed and so did I. I closed my eyes to the sun and listened to the waves. I listened to the full-throated warble of a gull whose bill was not clamped tightly on a fish, and I heard the continued screeching of boastful fish catcher.

I don’t know if he ever ate the fish, I lost interest in his repetitive attempts to impress the crowd. I rather hope he dropped the fish and other gulls ate it, but that is, perhaps, unkind. He did make the effort to catch the fish. I have watched diving birds enough to know that it is not an easy thing to do. I wish for his sake that the fish would have been a reward enough for his efforts.

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:1-4.

What fish am I holding in my beak and squawking about today? What act of generosity do I trumpet in the streets? What righteousness am I practicing just to be noticed by others?

The waves are calling. The wind sends them crashing on the shore and makes the heat bearable. There are seagulls standing on the shore, staring at the ocean, unaffected by their bragging neighbors. Perhaps their only focus is to appreciate the beauty of God’s creation and give thanks for His bountiful gifts.

I think I’ll join them.

Love in Christ, Betsy

Pretty

I’m trying to make my garden look pretty. I’m not sure why. My sisters are coming over, but it is much too late in life to try to impress them. Very few people see my garden. More to the point, I doubt they would care if it were pretty or not.

So why do I want the edging straight? To make it truly pretty, I would need to get a stronger fence, one that isn’t all bent and mushed from me leaning over it, but then I couldn’t lean over it to reach the ground. I could zip tie the edging more tightly to the raggedy fence, but that will make replacing the fencing more difficult if I choose to do so.

I am pleased that it hides the weeds growing on just the other side. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I had weeds in my garden! The weeds are still there, of course, doing their mischievous work. I have not made the effort to root them out or suppress their growth for the winter. But I would like others to think I have. I would like anyone who wanders into my back yard to think that I am industrious and organized and dedicated and marvelous. How ridiculous.

God is not fooled. He sees the garden as it truly is. I doubt anyone else is fooled either. The wavy fence line is visible from here. One small step closer and you’ll see over the edging and notice the weeds.

My attempts to make my garden pretty are not showing the world how marvelous I am. Instead, they are revealing my fear that you will see my imperfections and shun me for them.

My mind tells me that anyone who will shun me is not worthy of being my friend, but at times I am still that middle schooler entering the lunchroom. I want everyone to be impressed with me, to want me to sit at their table, to like my clothes, my hair, my abilities, my friendly and effervescent personality.

God is not fooled. He sees me as I truly am. I doubt anyone else is fooled either, at least not for long. If they look closely or step nearer, they will see my faults.

The odd thing is that I am rarely bothered by the weeds in other people’s gardens. Not everyone is a meticulous housekeeper. Not everyone is always kind and loving. Most people let vanity and pride, irritation and sarcasm grow in their gardens. We all have our weeds.

So, why do I want my garden to look pretty?

Am I now seeking human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of God. Galatians 1:10.

As with most things, my desire to have a pretty garden could be motivated by a desire to share God’s beauty with the world – an array of colorful flowers, the hues of ripe fruit, the luscious green of healthy plants. After all, God creates beauty every day in the shifting ombre shades of a sunrise or sunset, and my little garden can reflect a little of that.

But God sees my motivation as well as what I am showing to the world. He knows if I strive to honor Him or impress others. If I am reading Matthew 7:21-23 correctly, it is not pious actions, even those done in His name, that God seeks, but a relationship with Him.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7.

And no wobbly garden edging can hide my weeds from God. He sees them all. And He loves me anyway. He loves you anyway. Perhaps I need to let my weeds show and we can all stop pretending we are weed free, and love each other like He loves us, weeds and all.

Love in Christ, Betsy

A Ripe Fig

I’m tired, y’all.

That seems a poor way to start the “school year,” but as I age my year seems more attuned to my garden than to my kids’ activities.

My garden has been put to bed for the fall. Last year the tomato plants survived into September, but not this year. Brown leafless twigs, I pulled them up. My garden is ready for a rest, and so am I.

I have dedicated this year to learning about the publishing industry, especially as it pertains to publishing works of fiction. I have a renewed appreciation for anyone who has navigated this mine field successfully, for someone who has actually been paid to produce their book.

I have met hundreds of authors who have published books I have never heard of and authors who have published thirty, sixty, over one hundred books that I have never read, and I read a lot. Publishers purchase only three percent (three percent!) of the manuscripts they receive. There are also manuscripts that publishers buy but never publish for one reason or another. And yet there are thousands of published books that never cross my line of sight. When I see an author selling her book at a conference, I feel an urge to support them, filling my bookshelves with even more books to read someday.

All this to say that I am eager to return to my old life – card games and gardening, resting, and reading and enjoying meals with my friends.

And like a gentle reminder, I returned from my sixth writers conference this year (ugh!) to find ripe figs in my garden. Just a few. Just enough to let me know that dead as my garden is, God is not done with it yet.

Only one fig is ripe enough to eat today, dark red and soft to the touch. I left the soft pith melt in my mouth as its sweet juice entices my tongue, then enjoy the satisfying crunch of its tiny seeds. Heavenly. A gift. Fruit in a barren garden.

So, here is the question I plan to ponder this fall: When we fail to accomplish whatever goal we have set for ourselves, what is the lesson?

Is the goal unreasonable?

Is the timeline unrealistic?

Are my methods incorrect?

Is my work inadequate?

Do I double down or pivot to something new?

Is this goal in God’s plan or a selfish desire?

All this is because I have drafted a novel and would love to have a publishing house buy it from me, but there is little evidence to indicate that it will happen. The garden looks dead and ready to rest for the winter.

There are ripe figs in this barren land however, sweet moments that remind me that God is not done with me yet. I savor those gifts.

And I cannot begin to thank you for reading this, sharing this, commenting on my posts, and emailing me. Many times, your comments are the sweet figs that keep me going. Thank you.

Finally, as I enter this time of rest and reflection, I am feeding my soul-soil with scripture. Maybe these words from God will speak to your soul as well.

But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain; unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. Psalm 127:1.

Whatever your task, put yourself into it, as done for the Lord and not for your masters. Colossians 3:23.

May you find a sweet fig in an otherwise barren garden today.

Love in Christ, Betsy

A Little Change

I’ve had a problem with my lawn service this summer. They come when I am not home. And their mower sprays grass clipping all over my garden plants.

If I were home when they were mowing, I would ask them not to do this. I’m not sure why this is even so much of a problem this year since it hasn’t been in the past. Perhaps they have a new mower, but the problem may be mine. Since I did not pull up all my landscape timbers last year, they have sunk lower into the ground. Several of them are rotting away. The accumulation of grass clipping has hastened this process.

I could text my mower about the problem. I considered replacing all the landscape timbers. But I decided instead to edge the garden with a taller “clipping barrier.” Of course, the stores don’t carry foot-tall edging, so I had to order a trial sample to see if it would work. I like the look.

This edging may help with critter control as well. It’s different. Time alone will tell if it’s better.

My daughter, who works with ministry innovators, often writes about how change often happens slowly, develops through necessity, and occurs when we are focusing on something else. I look at my garden as the sixth summer without my husband draws to a close and I see change.

The bones of my garden are the same. Same poles, same fence posts, same location. But I no longer dismantle it; I no longer let the garden return to grass every year. I have perennial fruit trees and herbs. I pay helpers to assist me. And now I have foot high edging. I am adapting, slowly, by necessity, to gardening without him.

All in an effort to bear fruit.

There’s a lot of discussion about change in the church. When is change necessary to bear fruit for God and when is it conforming to the world? Jesus was an agent of change. He ate with simmers, broke sabbath laws, and overturned the tables in the temple.

The pharisees and their scribes were complaining to his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” Jesus answered, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have come to call not the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Luke 5:30-32.

The established church leaders didn’t like the change. And Jesus didn’t stop at changing the status quo. He sent the Spirit to live within us and change our focus, our attitudes, our actions, and our lives. He takes our established garden and slowly transforms it into a more gracious, more loving, more fruitful place.

Several hundred years ago, women who used herbs to cure ailments were considered witches. Now it’s a multi-million-dollar business. Most Christians have no qualms putting aloe on a burn, drinking chamomile tea to relax, or taking garlic to reduce cholesterol. Some Christians even advocate turning away from established medicine to more homeopathic remedies. They should be grateful the church no longer labels them witches for this.

Is God calling you to make some changes this fall?

Perhaps minor changes like a better edging around your garden space, a more sacred quiet time alone with the Lord, a more intentional effort to keep the litter at bay.

Maybe He is calling you to make a radical change, eat with sinners and social outcasts, try an herbal remedy, go against established church tradition.

I pray that God will always keep me open to the changes He calls me to make. I pray that He will continue to call me, sinner that I am. And I pray that He will bear His fruit in my life and in yours.

Love in Christ, Betsy